Fantasy Sports and the Bachelor

                How many of you ladies out there are tired of hearing your boyfriends talk about football and random football players every Sunday, and more importantly are sick of how moody they get after their fantasy team losses their game? Fantasy football has changed men’s lives for good. Every Sunday during football season we glue ourselves to the TV for 10 straights hours, watching something that we have 0 control over play out on the field. Our individual players that have been handpicked for our team become our brothers, and if they perform poorly on the field, it legitimately hurts. Yeah we like to win every Sunday, but some of us have hundreds of dollars resting on the season outcome (*ahem* friends of mine, not me...), so our investment goes beyond seeing teams win or lose, and losing can flat out ruin your day. All my fellas know what I am talking about. Sure ladies, you may have your shows that you enjoy watching, but nothing compares to our investment in football Sunday. Well have no fear, I have a solution for you in towards gaining an understanding on fantasy sports AND getting your boyfriends hooked on your favorite reality TV show: Fantasy Bachelor.

                I am going to talk about this show ad nauseum until it is over because it is fascinating to me, but what this show presents is the perfect introduction for women into the world of fantasy sports. Let me explain. What is so compelling about fantasy football for guys is the fact it gives us a rooting interest into players that play for teams that we would otherwise not care about, thus creating a personal investment into teams that didn’t exist prior to fantasy sports. If gives us an excuse to watch all the games. Now ladies, this presents you with an interesting opportunity regarding this Bachelor show.

Disclaimer: This is not my idea. I have heard of something like this from several people, I am just surprised it has not caught on. There are several ways to play: 

1. The simplest way is to round up a group of friends, throw $10 or something into a pot, and do a “draft” of the remaining contestants. Each of you pick a set of girls, and if your girl ends up being the winner, you win what was put into the pot.
2.  To add a level of fairness to it, since there are obviously girls that are more preferable choices than the rest, you have an auction for what contestants you have on your team. Therefore in order to get the “favorites” (see: Courtney, Kacie, Linzi from Ben’s season) on your team, you have an auction to see who is willing to pay the most for the girl of Sean’s dreams. 
3. The final way to do is it a bit more intense, so I will just post this link and let you figure it out http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/65260/grantland-reality-fantasy-league-one-rose-to-rule-them-all. Personally, I like the idea of the last one, because it is funny and the most like a real fantasy sport, as how the girls behave directly effects their score (just like how a football players performance does in FFB), however it would admittedly be a huge pain in the ass to keep track of.

For all of you girls out there who have boyfriends who don’t watch the show, I apologize, and I know plenty of guys out there who would love to watch the show with you. However, since I don't foresee you breaking up with your man over the Bachelor, this whole fantasy aspect to the show may peak his interest. Anything that can add an element of competition opens the door for a guy to be interested. We are competitive beasts. Instead of him sulking on the couch while watching the bachelor with you, like I am sure you do on Sundays, this may be a way to get him interested in the bachelor.

                I have known girls who have done this, and they love it. It adds an extra element to an already entertaining show. I think it is a fantastic idea, one that can only be healthy for girls to understand the males’ obsession with fantasy sports. It is crazy how a little financial and emotional investment enhances your viewing participation in a given show/sporting event that you otherwise would not care about. If you are bored tonight and have a little time on your hands before the show, give some of your friends a call and start placing your bets: Fantasy Bachelor starts tonight.

The Couch Potatoes Guide to Winter: Football, Showtime and The Bachelor

Talk about neglect. In my last post I said "Hopefully (this blog) proves to be spontaneous and entertaining for whomever chooses to read." Fat chance. “Spontaneous” requires me to actually write something, putting in a little effort in order to achieve said goal of being "entertaining." I would say my new years resolution was to blog more, but I would be lying to your faces. Alas, I am a creature of habit. If I don’t use this forum like I originally envisioned, chances are it won't become a habit. The last time I wrote something on here (aka, the only time I have wrote something on here), was over 10 months ago. That is not habit-forming behavior. That isn't any behavior, just a blip on the Matt- wanna be blogger - radar. But look! I have returned. This return is not unwarranted, as my favorite time of year is upon us. Winter brings along many wonderful things; snow, crispy clean air, holidays, football playoffs, and great television.

If any of you live outside of the Pacific Northwest, which I don't anticipate, let me reiterate the idea behind Seattle Blues. First and foremost, the two major Seattle sports franchises left in town (Seahawks and Mariners, don't even start with me about the Sounders) have a dark blue as their primary uniform color, often times referred to as the Seattle Blues. However, the term also refers to the weather. Over the fall/winter/spring seasons, it is raining CONSTANTLY. You may get a day here or there where the sun makes an appearance, while maintaining a daytime high of 50 degrees, but those are the best days. Seattle is known as the suicide capital of the United States, often due to the theory that weather adversely affects an individual’s mood. Thus, people in Seattle have the blues. I am not one of those people. I find the weather refreshing as I walk to my car that is fully equipped with a heater and seat warmers. The only inconvenience it may cause me is fog on my windows in the morning. The biggest advantage to the weather is that it completely justifies me sitting on my ass all day!

After spending all day at work, traversing the 30 paces to-and-from my car in the rain, and finally making it back home, I am ready to set up shop on my couch. And oh, how this winter’s couch schedule is shaping up nicely. Here is a guide towards prepping you for all the fantastic things January has to offer (or telling you what I am going to be doing over the next month, however you want to look at it).

NFL Playoffs

I may as well start with the aforementioned Seahawks. This is the most fun team I have ever rooted for, and this is mainly because us Seattlites have not had a whole lot of successful teams to root for over the years. I am 23 years old. I have lived in Washington State since I was 9. In the 14 years I have lived here, there has not been 1 major sports title, and only one championship appearance (04-05 Hawks). Not to mention my basketball team got taken away along with my current favorite player in the NBA (edit: OMG THE SONICS MAY BE COMING BACK, THIS NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT LATER).

If you don't know the details, this Hawks team is rad, and for me it starts with the defense. Everyone is young, athletic and swagged-the-hell out. We have never seen a sports team around these parts that talk this much trash since Gary Payton and the mid 90s Sonics . These guys back it up too. On the offensive side of the ball, the whole unit has come together like I could have never imagined. This Russell Wilson guy is the truth. I'll admit, I was on team Matt Flynn to start the year, but damn did Russell shut me up. Not to mention Marshawn Lynch is the most punishing running back in the league. This team gets me excited for the playoffs. If I somehow keep this blog going, surely there will be more details on them to come.

Showtime Sunday Night Programming

You guys, this Sunday marks the season premieres of 3 fantastic Showtime shows. This is exciting, be excited.  I will start with the most popular, Californication.

First of all, any TV show on premium cable that plays on the word fornicate within its title is going to be great. Add an actual, real life sex addict in David Duchovny as the lead character (Hank Moody) and you have TV gold. If you have been living under a rock, the show follows a disgruntled author/playboy who has to deal with the personal struggle between family stability and his social life (aka being a sex addict). Right when you think Hank is about to figure it out and get back with the love of his life and daughter, he fucks it up (literally). I'm not about to ruin any plot spoilers for you, at least not in this post, but the end of season 5 left the viewer supremely frustrated. Hank had everything set up to have a fairy tale ending, and he gets screwed. Regardless, I am thoroughly invested in what happens next. If you have not watched this show, or are a season or two behind, I would recommend pounding them all out in the next week. It requires dedication, but is totally doable; episodes are only 20 something minutes.

The second season premier is the show Shameless. This show surrounds the story of a poor, incredibly dysfunctional family trying to get by in Chicago. An alcoholic dad, an absentee bisexual mother, and a family largely held together by Fiona, the hottie oldest daughter, the plot of Shameless follows all of the absurd happenings in the day-to-day struggle the members of this family faces. I do confess, my reason for enjoying this show is different from the average viewer. I got into this show when I personally was down in the dumps, and I enjoyed it because it reminded me that my family wasn't the most dysfunctional on the planet. Even more importantly, I have a huge crush on Fiona. I may be watching this by myself, but I would recommend getting into it as well (because none of my friends watch it, not because of Fiona…).

The show House of Lies is the most unheard of within this trio of Showtime shows, but this is undeservingly so. Californication is by far the juggernaut, but what Don Cheadle brings to this role is hysterical. He plays the role of a business consultant that openly tells the audience what they do for a living is scamming major corporations. He is basically the black, suit wearing, business class Hank Moody, as the story involves him sleeping with everyone from his ex-wife, to one of his clients wives, as well as several other wives in-between. He has a sexually confused teenage son, a live-in dad, and game for days. Basically all the makings of a good Showtime show. I confess, I just got into the show recently, and I am not quite caught up yet, but what I have seen thus far is really funny. I plan on flying through the rest of the episodes in preparation of this Sunday.

The Bachelor

Ah yes, my biggest guilty pleasure. If you are one of those guys who hate on the Bachelor, shut up and watch it. I specify guys because all the girls I spend time with enjoy the show. Now, anything that most women are into is usually a red flag for men to not like it, and I typically agree with this generalization. However, if you are one of those anti-bachelor dudes, you are watching the show incorrectly. Bear with me…

The Bachelor is HYSTERICAL. First of all, we get to throw 25 26 beautiful (mostly) women into a room, which in itself is a reason to watch. But more importantly than attractive girls (not a statement I say lightly), this is the greatest social experiment on TV. All of these women are openly fighting over the same guy, who this season is Sean Lowe, your quintessential blue eyed, blonde hair, ripped southern pussy boy. Now, disclaimer, to be the guy that goes on the show you get labeled as a wuss off the bat. Your job is to appease these women who are blatantly sucking up to you for the duration of the show, and typically, when women fight over men, shit gets real. We have all seen it first person one time or another, whether that involves ourselves or a friend we know. It usually doesn’t result in a pleasant outcome. In this show, you get to see every single one of these women get emotionally broken down, and we know it is coming. An unadulterated train wreck. The whole thing is one, constant meltdown. It is truly unbelievable.

The result of watching this experiment (because that is what is it at this point), is that men get to confirm everything we believe about women and relationships while simultaneously being happy that we are single (right? Am I alone on this one?). THESE CHICKS ARE CRAZY SOCIOPATHS. Even the girls I know that watch this agree with me. Yet when I ask them what would happen if they were on it, they admit they would be crazy lunatics. You don't go on this show unless you are confident enough that you are going to win, because if you don't win, it just confirms that there is someone out there that is better than you. Us common folk came to grips with this inferiority a while ago, but by assuming you are the proverbial big fish and worthy of this guy’s love over everyone else’s, you are by definition a sociopath. All these other girls are thinking the exact same thing, that they are going to win (except for the one armed girl, which is a completely different issue. The fact that they even casted her is messed up). But these ladies legitimately think they are the cream of the crop, so much that my favorite chick from last season, Kacie B, came back on the show to prove it. It is remarkable.

When these types of girls lose, it is not pretty, because they don't expect it. As the season goes on, it gets even uglier. It is great. Oh, and if I haven't proven to you these women are crazy yet, they expect to find their love of their life while their love interest is simultaneously dating other women, all within a couple months of time. That is the definition of crazy, and it is thoroughly entertaining.

I think where I go from here is to use these things as a platform to continue blogging, at least until baseball season happens, and Game of Thrones starts. Then we got a whole new ball game (both literally and figuratively), and we will see what happens from there. I also think the quantity I watch these shows will start a habitual usage of cigarettes (Hank Moody), booze (all of the above), and blogging (see what I did there).  The few friends that I let read this before I posted it thought it was funny, so maybe this try around I will finally achieve the objective of being entertaining, but probably not. Happy New Year everyone.

-M